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Feeling Depressed

- 20 June 2009, 08:06

It’s been a long time since I have been open and honest with my readers. Today and actually for the past several weeks I have been fighting serious depression. I know most of it has to do with my husband being laid off, trying to cope with the day to day life challenges with two autistic children and trying to not fear the future and not choke with each new bill that comes in the mail.

This may come as a big surprise to many of my listeners and readers throughout the Heal Yourself  Network but since I started the new section True Life stories I thought where better to post what I am going through and feeling.

Letting it all hang out…hopefully I won’t look back on this and wish I hadn’t posted all of this. You know they say not to give out to much of yourself when you have an online business but truthfully I started Heal Yourself  Talk Radio which is now growing to a huge network of websites all about healing, to share my own experiences and to find others who are dealing with exactly what I am dealing with. Today I need to relate to others who are dealing with depression or feeling out of sorts and know exactly what I am going through right now.

I have been able to overcome many episodes of depression over the past few years, my trust in God and the universe and my never ending outlook of optimism on life has held together for me till today.

As I sit here at home wondering how we are going to go on, how we are going to keep what we have and wondering what God has in store for us has just placed me into a world of fear. I hate fear! I hate feeling out of control! I hate not knowing if what I am doing is right or wrong. It’s been a never ending battle since March of 2009 to keep the upbeat outlook.To keep that smile on my face for my kids, to tell my hubby everything will be ok, to tell myself everything will be ok…

I know many of your are thinking but you always have a smile on your face, you are always helping others and giving support this doesn’t sound like you…I know guess that is why I am writing this.  I am a person just like you, I have my fears, I have my doubts and I really have second thoughts on what I should do with my life.

I love what I do, I love my kids, my husband, my parents, my family and my friends but sometimes it is all too much. This weekend I feel like the weight of the world is on me.  I want to sit here and say “You will get through this like you have other things from the past or that God will provide or the universe will provide” I have made it this far on humor, love and trust but today it feels like well like the floor has dropped out on me.

I am tired of fighting, I am tired of worrying, I am tired of trusting only to be right back where I have been all my life. Living in fear! I have done everything the gurus tell you to do, the professionals tell you to do, I have released, let go, trusted, moved forward, worked hard and more. Yet today it all feels like for naught.

Ok, Ok I know…but what about all those HYTR shows you do that shares ways to be better, to live above fear…etc…I am here to tell you I am only human! I have the same fears you all do. I do my best but sometimes life just gets in your way, and you have to feel those feelings…today is that day for me.

I wish I could say everything was good here, I wish I could say I have no fear and that everything will work out. But lately it seems that I am making the wrong decisions, I am tired, I am confused and well I am starting to lose all faith and trust in what I do.

So now I am asking you for help.

What do you do to pull yourself out of a feeling of depression when you have done everything and it seems like nothing is working?

How do you keep going when all you want to do is hide in your room, under a blanket and let the world keep going past you?

Thanks for reading and your support.

I know this is just another path on my walk way but right now its a path I truly am tired of fighting through the brush and thorns….

~Rebbekah White

UPDATE 8-1-09:

As with all life things are going better, I am doing good and I thank those who have responded to this post. I feel that there are times I need to get those thoughts out just to get them out, and I know from past experience at least with myself I like to know that others are struggling with what I am struggling with so I shared my dark moment above.

What helped me get out of this dark mood was many things, listening to past speakers, reading my affirmations, finding a quiet place and listening to my soul and not shoving down all those feelings that left me in such a place. I let myself cry and feel those emotions that were there right on the surface.

Please if you are feeling like I was before don’t be ashamed to cry, let out your hurt feelings, write it down-it doesn’t have to be such a public place but to write it in a journal and get them out of your head is a great start.

Join a community, like Heal Yourself Community-and talk to others in a safe enviroment :) if all else fails you can email me I am a good listener. :)

Till next time

Rebbekah White


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