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I have Lupus and I am a fighter!

- 14 October 2013, 09:10

My name is Rebbekah White and I have had lupus. At 16 I was sick all the time not sure what was wrong at that time so testing started around that time, however I didn’t truly know for sure till I was 26….since that day nothing really has changed except for me not being able to cope with some things in life like others can…I need more rest, less stress, more nutrition, and more positive thinking….I am a fighter! I taught myself how to run my own business because I could NOT work long hours outside of work, I tried two years ago and while I truly enjoy the job my body couldn’t handle it….so when the temporary job was done I went back to what I do best: My website design and virtual assistant business which I LOVE! It gives me the freedom to work from home, and still take care of myself. I am a fighter! I will always be a fighter even when my body wants to just give up…my spirit will NOT ALLOW IT.

Lupus has taken 15 of my teeth, at age 40 I wear dentures….I have had 8 surgeries…was told I could NEVER have children yet I defied the doctors and had 3 wonderful boys!

Yes, I am a fighter….some days are worse than others and those days I just need more rest, and a healthy dose of understanding from those around me….yes, I am a fighter what keeps me going is my family and my clients…without them I know I would give up on those bad days….the pain so intense I just want to scream, the migraines, the horrible body aches, the legs that give out, the mind that plays tricks on you….yet I AM A FIGHTER! I will go down fighting!

I fight depression. Not your normal small I am feeling blue depression, no I fight the real drag you down, want to give up depression. The kind that makes you wish you were anywhere but where you are now. The kind that makes you think things you should never think, no one should ever think: ¬†just ending it all. I would never do that, however thinking those thoughts do still happen even though I am past that point in my life….those thoughts still come when the daily stress of life and the pain take over and I don’t want to fight anymore, I wonder what it would be like to just walk away….but I don’t because I am a fighter!

I have scars on my body that I should not have, I lose weight and gain weight just by looking at food….a normal walk will wear me out for hours, a bike ride is pure pleasure BUT very exhausting….running errands for a couple hours can wear me out! What kind of a life is that? One that thankfully I still have! I am still here fighting.

While others may not understand, and most do not because they don’t have what I have, it has taken me years to just say “oh well, they don’t understand”. Do you think I like being exhausted by 11 am and fighting through it till 4 pm when I get a small burst of energy, then a couple hours later I feel like I have been awake for years! To have a foggy brain that doesn’t want to work right, have to get up and try to shake off the depression as I realize once again I cannot do what I want to do because this body says “Nope, can’t have you happy today, let’s hit you with a ton of bricks and slow you down….”

Take this body of mine! YOU WILL not slow me down!

Yet, I am still here, and I am still fighting….all it takes is a smile on your face, and knowing that you can do whatever you want! No matter what God or the universe or who ever gave you or what you have or do not have….YOU and I ARE FIGHTERS!

me-lupus


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